I have a range of feelings and emotions going on in this whacked out brain of mine right now. So please forgive me if this post seems somewhat random. For whatever reason….as I was thinking about what I need to blog about because so much has been or will be going on…the word TORN keeps popping into my head! Does this ever happen to any of you?
***I was TORN yesterday between the Suns game and going to church. Yes….I admit it. Mostly I admit it because I want my kids to read this someday and know I am human too. I still struggle some Sundays to make it to church. I have spent most of my adult life struggling with my activity in the church. I KNOW I HAVE to get there though. It is the glue that holds me together. It’s the ONE 3-hour sacrifice a week that I can give back to the Lord for everything he blesses me with. Funny how something I am “sacrificing”… ie; my time….is something that ends up blessing me and my family 100 fold. sooooooo…..I got there. Thank goodness for my calling teaching those sweet little primary kids or some days I wouldn’t make it. And thank goodness for DVR….otherwise I would have had all the kids in my class sitting in my car coloring their lesson while Sister Vineyard was listening to the game on the radio. You think I’m kidding? LOL
***I am TORN between this dang obligation I committed to and my hobby. It literally KILLED me this weekend not be able to scrapbook. This was the first National Scrapbook Day weekend that I have not participated somehow on some level for as long as I can remember! I can FINALLY say though that it looks as if I may finish up these dang hearts by the end of today or tomorrow! Since I didn’t get to scrap….I thought I would at least share a couple layouts I ganked from Deanna and Lisa’s blogs. They got a lot done this weekend and I am jealous! Lookie what they did…..very cute! 
………..I am TORN that this is my last week of my life as a 33yr old. For whatever reason….the “getting old” thing hasn’t hit me until recently. Don’t get me wrong….I am happier with this season of my life than I have ever been but I guess I am feeling older these days. LOL
I am TORN that my little Macey will be 8yrs old the end of the month and will be getting baptized soon! I know ya’ll are getting tired of hearing me say it but I wish my kiddos would stay young forever.
The other thing that has me TORN right now is that my girls will be gone this time next month to visit their Dad for a whole 6 weeks during the summer. I think this is what’s hardest right now. I have never been away from them longer than a week and while I know I have the opportunity to get some “me” stuff accomplished….I am going to miss them TERRIBLY!!!
There’s some other stuff that has me torn right now but I don’t want this to end up one big long WHINEY post! HA! HA!
Hope everyone had a great weekend! I can’t believe how many people want in on the drawing for “Roxy”!!! LOL CrAzY!!!!!! And I am beyond blushing and grateful for all those wonderful comments on my cards!! I wish I had the time to email each one of you back! Thanks so much!
May 7th, 2007
May 7th, 2007 at 5:30 pm
Lacey Says:
Hi Shanna! Just wanted to shout out some words of encouragement! I know with the Lord’s help you will make it through and look back and think it was silly to be so torn! For now, chin up my friend! There is alot to be grateful for and a little “me time” never hurt anyone!
May 7th, 2007 at 6:29 pm
Administrator Says:
Thanks Lacey!!! I just read back through this post and I sound like a babbling fool! LOL Oh well…..Not every single day is gonna be chipper and happy! That’s for sure!
May 7th, 2007 at 9:21 pm
liz (kt) Says:
Hang in there.. Hey it almost makes the drawing like the lottery.hehehehe
May 7th, 2007 at 9:54 pm
Lesli Asay Says:
It’s funny that free agency thing the Lord gave us that lets us make all of our choices. I like the word “torn” - because it is not always easy to make the right choice. I promise that pretty soon - turning another year older won’t bother you at all - I can’t believe I am saying that, but it is true. I turned 42 last year and it didn’t matter at all.
I cried when my “baby” who is 19 this year moved out on her own - I thought where did the time go - but now - I just cherish our moments more.
Thanks so much for sharing and for always being so honest in your thoughts.
Les
May 7th, 2007 at 9:56 pm
Teri Says:
Shanna…wow. It’s great that you can admit that you were torn between the game & church. I’m a sports nut but there are some Sundays when I feel like I just don’t wanna go! Which I guess you could say makes me struggle with my activity. But yeah, I feel better when I do go and know it was the right choice.
As far as the kids go, last summer it killed me to send my little girls across the country to see their dad for 6 weeks. Lots of ugly feelings there but you can email me if ya wanna hear them. LOL At the end of this month, I’m doing it again. Divorce is hideous for many reasons and this is one of them but it really has been better for the most part (if that makes sense). It will be hard for at least a week but keep yourself busy and try not to think about it too much.
Chin up!! LOL
May 7th, 2007 at 10:51 pm
Jenny Says:
HEY! I already had this guy! Time to get new rappers for the secret word of the day! (Or time for me to quit commenting here:)
Don’t kill me, but I keep thinking the suns games are done. Not my thing.
I “got” to sub for the Sunbeams yesterday (at the last minute no less). Holy Moly! They were on fire! I would have happily taken them to the car and locked them up so I could listen to a game I thought was over! The building is being remodeled, and the surprise of the week was no drinking fountains. Three of them cried about that! What good does crying do? It isn’t like I can install a drinking fountain for them. I went and found a pitcher and cups for drinks IN THE CLASSROOM…they kept on crying….
point is….
Eight is great
I am sorry you are having a torn day
BIG HUG for you!
May 8th, 2007 at 12:00 am
lisa Says:
well i hear ya on the torn!! thanks for putting my layout up!! look forward to seeing more of your stuff! hopefully scrapping days will be coming! i can’t believe you DIDN’T take the kids out to the car to listen to the game!! ha ha you could have had them color Jesus playing basketball and taught them new words to “Jesus wants me for a sun’s fan!” ha ha
May 8th, 2007 at 10:35 am
Erica Says:
I will be totally honest. It was my weekend off. I stayed up too late Saturday night and slept in until 30 minutes before church. I have four girls…30 minutes is WAYYYYY not enough time to get ready. So….we stayed home. Point…you’re a better person than me. And your not told, your only as old as you feel. Take Lisa…even when her rear is wrinkled she wills till be waving it at traffic. 15 at heart I tell ya. Chey is 10, I am 26. Wanna talk about feeling older than you are?
:) 
:)
Take a deep breath and remind yourself everyday…I will take this life one day at a time and make the decisions that will change my life for God every day. If you make the wrong ones…don’t kick yourself, just learn and make the right choice next time. If you make the right decision..by yourself some ice cream.
May 8th, 2007 at 12:45 pm
Iralamija Says:
beautiful work!
Bety
May 8th, 2007 at 1:02 pm
Deanna Says:
Great post. I feel like this a lot. My thing is being torn between reading my scriptures or scrapbooking. That shouldn’t be an issue but it is. Oh and the first summer of being away is gonna be hard but it will get better I promise. Here is my advice…The first two weeks you are going to be busy getting “me” stuff finished. After that you are going to need to plan a bunch of stuff to keep your mind off of them being gone. Then the last week you will go crazy in anticipation but get crazy busy getting stuff done before they get back. Just take those middle three weeks to scrapbook them so when they get back they will be so excited to see how much you missed them and what you did for them. Love you and hope you feel better today sis. Now go get those dang hearts done so you don’t fell like you are missing out.
May 9th, 2007 at 11:34 am
Casey Lu Says:
Keep yourself busy and remember that absence makes the heart grow fonder! I am sure you will miss your girls as we all do when our kids are away from us for any length of time, but I am sure the Lord will bless you with patience. Hang in there Shanna! I think of the time that Jesus was fasting for 40 days on the mountain and it helps me feel better.
May 11th, 2007 at 8:55 am
FLA Lisa Says:
Shanna,
I so relate to this post—- sorry I didn’t see it until now. I too struggle with the getting to church some Sundays— always glad when I go despite wanting to do something else instead. Hard to remember sometimes all the blessings we have. I also understand the feeling of being so torn without your girls for such a long time. Hang in there. Remember they will be missing you every bit as much as you are missing them.
Take care,
Lisa
May 11th, 2007 at 2:08 pm
Jolene George Says:
It’s perfectly normal to go through times of feeling torn. I sure know I have been lately. Life is not always a picnic. I can’t imagine how hard it will be for you to send your kids away for 6 long weeks this summer. Since I moved from Mesa to Maricopa in March I have struggled with the church thing too. I’ve only missed one week, but I’m having a really hard time adjusting this this new HUGE ward. I feel like a number and that nobody is ever going to really let me in and get to know me. I have so much to offer and they don’t even know it. It’s a good thing I’m outgoing or I’d never stand a chance. I sure miss living in Mesa though. I’m still there a couple times a week. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen you at Scrapbooks Etc. I’m glad I found your blog. :o) http://jolenegeorge.blogspot.com/
May 12th, 2007 at 8:01 pm
Melissa Says:
You just summed up several things I struggle with too. I’m lucky that my Amanda has only had to be gone for 2 weeks at the longest. And with church, I would be better if I didn’t agonize over the time — 2:40 in the afternoon is SOOOOO hard. Thanks for sharing because all of us have our struggles and it makes us feel less lonely to know that it isn’t just us!